I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i will never coherently bang her
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
