my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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