i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
