I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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