Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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