if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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