Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
