Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
