No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
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