You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize