Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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