For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
