Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
