My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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