I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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