"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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