Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
