I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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