I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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