If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
