after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
