When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
