I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize