Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
