yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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