Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
