last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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