I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
