Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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