It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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