I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
