she looked like the before picture.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
