I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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