She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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