Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
