after a month anything with tits is on the radar
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
