Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
