yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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