I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
