Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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