i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
