I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
