I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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