Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
