I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
