Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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