Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
