And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
We need a shit load of segways right now
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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