Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
