I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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