question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
