I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
