I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
