Her vagina should come with caution tape.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
