Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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