You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
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we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
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I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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