Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
