I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Dear god my vagina.
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