Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
hotel room ftw
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
