Capitaan dildo arrescate!
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
