Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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