Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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