There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
