I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
